Dear Depression, (2014)

I like to paint smiles over my fears

Like an artist punching paint on a blank canvas.

I am in denial of all my tears

Like a stone, distanced from emotions

Like a stone,

I feel alone.

I have lost control of my situation.

 

And yet you have noticed all my scars

Cut into my body as paint.

You are the anvil on which I hammered myself to shape.

You are the fire which burnt my anthracite soul

And allowed me to express myself in flames.

But still, like a stone,

Distanced from emotions

Knocked over and forgotten in constant abrasion

I am alone.

Losing control of my situation.

 

You have come into my life

Now and again,

Rearranging the words in my definition of pain.

You teach me lessons

And anchor my soul so it doesn’t drift away,

So it doesn’t get lost

In the constant erosion and deposition

Under the river bed.

 

You are a disfigured embodiment of perfection,

And I keep gravitating towards your vacant waves.

You have a sincere consideration of my pain

You want to take me away.

You have promised me stability

In a better place,

You have held my hand my entire life

And you have made me lose my mind.

 

You are detrimental for me.

You don’t realise that I am alone, but not lonely.

I am not scared of losing control.

In a state of oblivion

I have found myself through your eyes

And in denial of that vision,

Blinded by the light,

Every scar on my body I have seen as paint.

When I starved myself, that was paint

When I lost myself, that was paint

When I destroyed myself, my blood was paint.

This sentiment, these dirt-ridden emotions,

Is the purest form of love that I have ever felt.

 

 

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