Ignorance is Bliss.
Often times people ask me, “why are you depressed? You have never been through a tragedy in your life.” Most of the time, it is my family (funny enough).
Is human existence itself not a tragedy?
Fermi’s paradox states that if the universe is so vast and always expanding, then there must be a high probability of the existence of extraterrestrial life, but our lack of contact with them prove otherwise- makes you think how lonely we actually are in this universe right? Look at us, destroying the only planet that we know for sure can support life, over trivial things such as race and religion.
“There is little conjunction of truth and social ‘reality’. Around us are pseudo-events, to which we adjust with a false consciousness adapted to see these events as true and real, even as beautiful. In the society of men the truth resides now less in what things are than in what they are not. Our social realities are so ugly if seen in the light of exiled truth, and beauty is almost no longer possible if it is not a lie.”- R.D Laing, The Politics of Experience.
My loneliness is not a result of a loss of someone I love or any other type of mental and emotional detachment. It stems from more of a spiritual detachment- not associated with “God” or religion, but a detachment from a part of my own being that thrives to exist. It is due to the realisation that I am not enough to eradicate poverty, war and crime and everything that makes this world imperfect. The acceptance of these factors as an unfortunate reality constructed to preserve a societal balance, gives you only two options, either you turn a blind eye and succumb to the reality or you hopelessly fight towards a solution that the majority of the world will not let exist. Oppression is deemed necessary and unavoidable.
With intelligence comes depression- heightened sensitivity and a sense of hopelessness- not the intelligence attained from education and bookish knowledge, but the one obtained from critical observation and experience. The logical side of my brain tells me to ignore the problems that no one has a solution to, problems that logically must exist, but the emotional side will not let me close my eyes at night and allow me to sleep knowing that this is in fact a tragedy. Only idiots are happy 24×7 because they don’t recognise the fact that being happy is an act of selfishness. One’s happiness is achieved at the expense of someone else’s suffering and sacrifice and hence, it is quite difficult for me to ever be happy in this lifetime. It is something that, quite frankly, I do not want to experience because I simply think that I don’t have the right to. Perhaps, I lack the ability to ignore the fundamental nature of suffering.
My loneliness comes from the notion that I cannot show anyone around me the world I can see. Nothing is to blame, but my logic and rationality that tells me that my vision is of no use. It is a matter of sadness that children and young people are given false hope these days that they can ‘change the world.’ There are some aspects that the world will just not let you change and that is the cold, hard truth.
And thus, you are stuck with this- everything I do is fucking pointless. What is the point in living anymore?
I wonder if my life would have been different if, upon asking a question about poverty at age 7, a family member had not told me, “when you grow up and get a stable career, you can do anything you want.”
One must be ignorant and insensitive to be happy and content with one’s life on Earth. One must blindly accept the absurd and the injustice which has and never will have no end. One must consider the inequality to be an instrument of conduct, an organised flaw.
Happiness, just like Freedom, is an elaborate lie.