Sweet potatoes.

Let me tell you why I am just not “over” depression. It is difficult. It is difficult to get over something when you are constantly being reminded of it with everything you do and everywhere you go- the playlist you listened to, the route you used to walk, a book you read, even the meals…

2019.

“If you’re happy in a dream, does that count?”- The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy. It is coming to that time of the year where the stress of revision and exams are just knocking on the door, whilst other responsibilities of  thinking about the future and deciding where to take your life keeps piling…

Ugly (2018)

The mirror tells me, I am the ugliest of them all. One should know when the ugliness sinks deep into my skin It does not fade from the surface. Sometimes, I wish I could drape a layer of fair, across my body The way fairs drape  a layer of my culture across theirs And wear…

Organisation (2018).

For a second I had come very close, And if I had stretched out my hand and reached for happiness I might just have broken the veneer  And exposed the emotion, So disturbingly pure; So fragile. A thought of freedom escaped my mind; Liquified, it seeped through the damage And presented itself as a shapeless…

The “ideals” (2017).

You want easy. I am complicated. You want malleable, Someone who shapes themselves around you. I am cement coated bricks I lay the foundations I know where to build walls and where to build bridges. I am the architect; My own protector. You want someone to laugh at your jokes, even when they are not…

Depression & Discipline.

Niyama (Rig Veda)- Positive actions. Patanjali’s third Niyama, ‘Tapas‘ is derived from the Sanskrit verb ‘tap’ which translates to ‘to burn’. In this sense, ‘tapas’ means burning in order to purify. This is done with the purpose of cultivating discipline- “I don’t want to get out of bed today, but I will” One of the most…

Reasons.

I was not trained to deal with death. If I close my eyes and keep them shut For long enough Maybe I’ll see you again. Perhaps this is why I cannot get out of bed.   These days, I’m just numb. I only do what needs to be done. I eat at least two meals…

First Year of Uni : The Epic Fail.

Mental Health Awareness Week. Cleaning out my room at the uni accommodation was such a relief. I walked back in with a heavy heart- my room, where I would sometimes spend 3-4 nights in a row in a catatonic state, wondering what the difference is between life and death, if there even is any. My cave of…

Kafka’s Walls.

“A dark, omnipresent pool of water. It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when the time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body. You drown in that cruel flood, grasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is…

Fear.

Fear- one of the strongest, or if not the strongest human emotion. A key to survival and the mother of anxiety. Some fears are fast, unpredictable, like the fear of bees after being stung by one or a fear of dogs after being bitten by one. Some fears have a fucking good reason, like a…